Each day I start off with meditation and gratitude.
I have learned in the midst of my journey to be grateful for what I do have in life. Many times we take things for granted. Things could be a lot worst. I am grateful to be alive. Sometimes I think about what if it was me that die and not Aiden. How would my husband live taking care of an infant child without its mother? I know he would have support but not the same that a mother and wife could give.
Then I think about what if both I die and Aiden; what would have happened then. I know it was a great fear of my husband. He did not know what to expect or what to do during that time. To be honest, for a while I felt like I did die with Aiden and it took a toll on my marriage. Not only was I lost and confused so was my husband. His son had just passed away and then he was watching his wife not being present in life.
We were both going through things and emotions were at there all-time highs. I had moments to where I did not want to be married anymore and I personally do not believe in divorce. It had gotten to that point. With both of us going through our stages of grief we no longer knew how to love each other and I will say it was mainly me.
Once you hear your child’s heartbeat that is a different type of love. That is the true meaning of unconditional love, so when Aiden die so did my love. My love for everything was gone. And to make matters worse everything that could have been thrown at my marriage was.
Every little thing that each one of us did it would make the other person upset. For three months my house was no longer a home. It was just somewhere to go even when I did not want to be there. I had spent a lot of time at my parent’s house. I would wake up get dress and go straight over there until I got sleepy and went home to sleep and repeated this daily for about a month.
They say you can always go back home because that is where your comfort is and at the time I felt that my home did not have comfort for me no matter how hard my husband tried. I was completely broken.
Today, I am happy to say my marriage is back on track and I’m my loving now then I was before and I owe it all to daily meditation and gratitude. This has helped me shift my mindset. Instead, of being sad that Aiden isn’t present on Earth, I’m happy he is in heaven. I am happy that I was able to become pregnant because for the longest I did not think it was ever going to happen. I am grateful to have had spent 10 wonderful days with my angel because many moms do not even get one sentence of their child breathing.
I just have so so so so much to be grateful for. Tears are filling my eyes as I type things because of my gratitude. I am grateful for each and every person that reads this and supports what I want to accomplish.
From the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!!
Click the link to enjoy one of my favorite meditations… https://youtu.be/kC6so_Z5mGg